September 13, 2023

Copernicus, the Flat Earth, and You.

Today, let's talk about Nicolas Copernicus. He was born in Prussia on January 19th, 1472.  Some stories say he was born a fortunate son from a wealthy family, other stories say he was a regular guy like you and me.  Whatever the case, this guy studied philosophy and medicine at Cracow University, but as history has proven, his heart wasn't in his studies there and so after receiving a doctorate in medicine, he moved to Italy to meet the most famous astronomer of the day, Regiomontanus, who was the guy who figured out how to use the moon for navigating a ship, which was probably common knowledge in the day, but Regiomontanus was the first guy to get a hold of newly invented Gutenberg printer, and so printed his works before the others knew what hit them -- kind of like what Steve Jobs and Bill Gates did to IBM in the early days of Computing, but I digress.  

After spending some deep conversations with Regiomontanus, Copernicus moved back to Prussia and devoted himself to the study of astronomy where he observed, compared, and capitulated, until finally, creating his Copernican system, which was written in six volumes and would become known as “On the Revolutions of the Celestial Spheres,” which explained how the Earth and other planets rotated around the Sun. 

Yes, the Earth wasn’t flat like the political/religious flakes of the day were saying.  No, and Copernicus had the math to prove it, or well,  some very cool drawings.  Now, Copernicus' mom didn't raise too many fools in the family, and so Copernicus, Coper-spiciously, went underground with his book, that is to say, kept it esoteric and only showed it to like-minded progressives for fear he would be, well, castrated, and then beheaded by the religious leaders of the day.  That's for real, look it up, those bastards didn't mess around when it came to blasphemous freethinkers not toting the line, kind of like not kneeling down, or wait, kneeling down today at an American Football game at the wrong time, if you know what I mean; you see Copernicus was the Kaepernick of his day, and so walked around showing his book in secret, until finally, after nine years, he was convinced to publish it by a good friend -- probably over a few too many drinks I'm guessing -- and so he did, and to cover his ass, he dedicate it to Pope Paul III, which was a smooth move because the guys running the printing presses thought they were printing a book approved by Pope Paul III, which in the end didn't matter because Copernicus was struck down with a bad case of dysentery, yes, diarrhea, which was no laughing matter in 1543 because it led to a stroke, and so as they showed Copernicus his freshly printed book, all he could do was smile, and die.  That was May 24th, 1543.  And if you read that date esoterically, you have 5-4-3-2-1 blastoff, the modern world is here.

Now, the Copernican model which predicted the planetary positions as they really are today, would be verified in the future by braniacs such as Galileo Galilei, who, after reading Copernican's book and looking at the stars in the sky with a telescope, had had enough of the pretending shit and so said out loud what everyone knew in their minds, which of course, landed Galileo in a jail for the rest of his life, and so now when you visit a friend in jail, you can say, "Historically, you are keeping good company."

Finally, what Copenicus had theorized, wasn't original, in early Hindu text, according to Markanday and Srivatsava, the earth was of a spherical shape. Then there was Aristarchus of Samos, the ancient Greek astronomer who in 220 BCE presented the first know heliocentric model that placed the Sun at the center of the known universe, who it is believed got his idea from Anaxagoras who in 428 BCE, thought the same thing out loud and was charged with impiety and forced into exile to spend the rest of his life alone in a gave, without a TV.  Conversely, Aristotle and Pythagoras had suggested the earth was round in a few of their lectures, and still, to say it out loud, got you in trouble with the god police. 

Finally, in closing, let's not forget that as Copernicus was walking around town in Italy around 1490, you can bet that another Italian, sir Christopher Columbus, was listening, they may even have had a few conversations over a few beers, I can hear their conversation now:

Copernicus:  "You see Christopher, you can sail your ship out west as far as you like and you will not fall of the Earth, because the Earth isn't flat."

Columbus: "No shit, every sailor can see the Earth is not flat, you see the house and mountain rises from top to bottom as you approach a city.  If the Earth flat, you would see it all at once.  Please don't tell the Queen, I'm working a deal with her." 

So, Copernicus, Galileo, and Christopher Columbus, each knew the Earth was round, and you should too. 

~~ Dr TV Boogie



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