"The Occultists, however, know that the traditions of Esoteric Philosophy must be the right ones, simply because they are the most logical, and reconcile every difficulty." — Helena Blavatsky
Things are moving right along, my lung lobectomy is tomorrow. If it is successful, I take two steps forward, if not, I try something else. All signs are pointing good. On my last update I told you about birds, a favorite sign of mine. And it took awhile, but yesterday a few returned. After I cut back the tropical forest, and then changed out the feed, a few returned. Not the cluster that use to feed, but enough to know that that part of my life is back in balance with the universe. Like I said, Birds stop coming, I get cancer, they return... you do the math.
Before I go any further, I've seen comments about my reading signs in everything, like it's not practical, or it's superstitious. I disagree, for one, according to ancient sanskrit text, during his six years of austerity, the Buddha had reached a point where he thought he might turn around and stop seeking enlightenment, and so he placed a golden alms bow in a river and said to the universe, "...if I am to go on and reach enlightenment, let this bowl go upstream, against the current, if not, let it simple float downstream." Of course the the bowl goes upstream, against the current, and Siddhartha Gautama becomes enlightened, or as we Nirhiren Buddhist know, became enlightened again for the up-tenth time as he had done numerous times before -- according to the Lotus Sutra, that is, the most important sutra of them all in my humble opinion -wink, wink. But that's a conversation for another time.
All religions have signs given by their god/gods, in Matthew 2:2 God places a star in the the sky as a sign to the wise men looking for the birth of a savior -- of course, the wise men are actually the Magi which represent the essential stages of our inner transformation on the spiritual path, none-the-less, they were given a sign, and had not they followed it....
Emperor Constantine the Great saw a luminous cross of light in the sky while marching his troops, and took it as a sign from the Christian War God to go kick ass and take names for his new found faith.
Simply stated: signs are there for us if we choose to see them. So as they say in Vegas, deal with it... or is it deal the cards(?) All the same.
So the sign I yesterday was a kingfisher bird. The first one I've ever seen in my life. Actually, I thought it was a deformed bluejay that might have escaped from Chernobyl - for you young ones out there that's a reference to the Russian nuclear reactor meltdown in 1986 which evacuate a whole city with parts still inhabitable today. But this was no nuclear mutant bird, this was the kingfisher bird with its long beak, and he/she/or its nonbinary self was staring right at me. I mean given me the look like, "what took you so long with the food?" It wasn't moving, and so I went to get a camera, but it was gone. If you remember with my last post and the Avian Oracles, the kingfisher was a sign of peace and prosperity. So I'll take that as a positive sign.
Yes, tomorrow is the same surgery I had five-years ago when I first had lung cancer. I know the routine, it's difficult, excruciating pain to inhale, but they make you. Excruciating pain to walk, but they make you. But it's worth it, and I've never been happier to endure the suffering. For I am committed to being here for my family, friends, and you, both of you - hi mom.
That's it for today, here's the shower kit I have titled "Ready to Prep," for my surgery. And I learned last time to read the instructions. For this stuff is bad on your head and private parts down there, I mean, wow, especially down there. Not again, not me.
Please stay tuned, I'll post again as soon after the surgery as I can.
Today, I wish to talk with you about birds. Yes, those creatures in the skies we pay little attention to; however, if we did, our lives would have more meaning.
Before I was an Esoterist/Nichiren Buddhist/Nice Guy After Coffee, I worked as a banking software guy. On one of our install trips we hit a bird with our car while driving to the client. The driver thought it was funny, and said something like, "That 'ill teach it." For me it wasn't so funny, I knew it meant something, and it did, the trip was a disaster and we all ended up losing our jobs. I'm not saying it was a bad thing, but it was the warning that change was coming, in my book.
In the Navy, many moons ago, in San Diego one of those crazy Cuckoo Birds who are crying all the time, took a flying dump on my white uniform as I was headed for a Friday morning inspection. Because of the yellow crap on my hat, shoulder, and sleeve -- this must of been a sick bird --I failed inspection and got two-weeks detention which kept me from leaving the base. During that time, a few buddies I most likely would have been out drinking with, got into a terrible car accident. So that Cuckoo Bird with its undiagnosed bladder ailment, was really a stroke of good fortune from the heavens.
When my mom was dying in the hospital, of lung cancer, I slept in a chair beside her bed next to a window. It was a cold, dark, rainy day outside that window where I noticed a pidgin and her kids, cubs, chics, whatever a birds offspring is, shivering close together on a ledge. I knew it meant something; something like a message from the heavens reminding me that I needed to be thankful for the time I had with my mom, who protected me from the winds and rains with no help from a man, during a time they still called boys like me a "bastard child." A few minutes after seeing those birds, mom woke from her morphine-induced bliss, and spoke as clearly as ever, as she said, "Terry, I didn't give you much, but I did give you love."
Those were her last coherent words to me as she morphed into a living skeleton before finally giving up the ghost and dying. Seeing those birds was a sign to enjoy that last encounter with my wakeful mother.
I could go on and on about birds in my life, how a bird flew into our garage door and was suffering, and my wife took garden cutters to cut its head off and end its suffering. I buried that headless bird in the backyard, soon after that we divorced.
I have always been sensitive to birds, so sensitive in fact, that I've actually been feeding them from a bird feeder outside my bedroom window. And over the years they have even pecked at my window when their feeder was empty. However, something changed a few months ago, they stopped feeding, and my luck changed. I haven't won a a cent in daily-fantasy sports, something I do for fun, just a few dollars a day. Nothing big. Then there is my cancer, which I'll talk more about later, right now I was to talk birds.
In esoteric traditions, birds serve as living metaphors for our souls, some consider them psychopomps: a spirit, or deity whose job it is to guide our souls from Earth to the afterlife.
In Persian mysticism and Sufi tradition, the Simurgh is a giant bird that represents divine wisdom, unity, and the realization that ultimate truth is found within oneself.
To the alchemists, the firebird, or Phoenix, represented the rebirth of one's soul, rising from the ashes of failure.
The Native Americans honored the Thunderbird as a celestial being whose wings generate cosmic rumblings to alert us of trouble.
Then there are the Avian Oracles, tarot type cards of birds and the meanings of their chance encounters.
For a better understanding of bird symbolism you can go to Journeytreehealing.com, and be prepared to have your mind blown away. In their Bird Symbolism section you'll find that the kingfisher bird represents peace and prosperity; and that the crow, which is often linked to“darkness,” is actually a symbol of change and transformation. i.e., it was a crow we killed that day my software career unraveled.
The Humming Bird symbolizes the nectar of life and teaches us to draw on life’s sweet essence to sustain ourselves through challenging times.
Seeing a sparrow is a sign to recognize your inner strength and use it to bring about the change you need in your life. i.e, dump the guy.
Birds are always around us. And everyday we should take a moment to stop, look, and listen to them, for they really are messengers to help guide the way.
Now, let's turn to today's post, titled, My Birds, My Cancer(?)
I've been feeding the birds around my condo for ten years now. Actually, they've been fed here since my neighbor, Goga, was feeding them before she died around the time I started feeding them.
I call them my pets because they are always chirping outside my window, and sometimes they look at me from my window ledge to remind their feeder is empty. They've even tapped on the glass a few times.
The problem now is that they've stopped chirping and eating. There are a couple reasons to consider why this has happened:
One. I changed feeders when the bottom fell out of the old one they had been feeding out of for ten years.
Two. The store ran out of the cheap stuff and so I used the more expensive seed.
Three. Global Warming - yes, I'm old enough to call it what it is.
Okay, "Climate Change," that word we are not allowed to say in Texas anymore without being looked down on as a radical... Who cares, what I want to tell you is that there is this tropical plant that grows next to the bird feeder, and it has been there since the place was built. Every year it starts out as nothing but little plants and by the end summer, it is a nice shade bush just above the feeder that the birds sometimes land on to keep the rain off them. Every winter, it dies, and starts over again the next year. It has been that way since 2007, the year I moved into this condo.
Last year, for the first time since I've been here, the tropical bush didn't die, it just kept growing because of the mild winter. And so it was already full grown when this summer started, and within a few weeks It had grown over the bird feeder with a cave of tropical leafs.
I kept telling myself I would trim back the leafs so the birds would use the feeder again. But I didn't. Too busy. That was about three months ago. Since then, I have had no luck with sports gambling, as I said, and, most notable of all lung cancer.
Are the two connected? Who knows, but what I do know is the cancer in my lung is now the size of a dime, and I am scheduled to have that section of my lungs removed, just as I did five years ago. I'm confident I'll survive this, that is, if my birds return.
So I got the biopsy results today, and the cancer has returned. I guess it didn't get enough of me last time and so is back for more. That's a joke, but cancer isn't. The whole key to defeating cancer is the same secret to everything else in life: determination and confidence. Yes, those two most important ingredients in my life I never had.
Fortunately, I'm still alive and so have the opportunity to find these skills now; it's the thing all successful people know: we manifest what's in our mind. I know this now through my Buddhist practice which has taught me I am the power to be. It's what we call the Mystic Law, or Law of Life if you will. From now on I'll just call it "the law."
So I'm at this crossroad with this illness where I have to decide if I will give my all to defeat this cancer, or, let the chips fall where they will and hope for the best.
That's how I handled it five years ago, the first time they told me I had cancer. I've documented how I chanted Nam-myoho-renge-kyo back then and the cards fell into place for me to have the cancer cut out of my lung without needing chemo. I chanted with hope back then, and got lucky. This time, hope won't be enough, my determination will be the ingredient necessary to win. I share this with you now, because no matter what you are attempting in life, your determination will determine the outcome. Simply stated, don't give up, keep trying and you will succeed; that is, if you have the determination within you. If you are just going through the motions, you'll fail.
In my last post I talked about signs from the heavens, and said that if I got the biopsy results on the 26th of August, it would be good news for there was a rare "Finger of God" celestial-alignment happening. I also told you if I got the results on the 27th of August, Mercury was in Virgo and the fight was on. Neither happened, and so I woke up early this morning and saw a full moon from my living-room window, and knew it was a sign. It was what they call a Sturgeon Moon, or Harvest moon, and I caught it just as it was descending on the horizon of buildings outside my window. Yes, a setting moon, which, might sound bad when compared to the obvious meaning of a "setting sun," but the moon is different, and I knew I had to research it.
Research showed me that the Algonquian peoples named the Sturgeon Moon after the Sturgeon fish, a fish that can live to be 400 years old; a fish that spends most of its life dwelling at the bottom of a lake until it comes to the top to feed in the autumn months.
Pow, right between the eyes, that was me, a deep dweller coming up for air.
On my favorite pagan website, pagangrimoire.com, I read that the Sturgeon Moon signals "Resilience, Power, Strength, Release, Breaking through, and Flourishing."
And that was the message the Sturgeon Moon had for me this morning.
In my Buddhist faith, we chant to a mandala that was scribed by a Japanese priest in the 13th century. On this mandala he wrote the figures of the heavenly deities who would protect those of us with faith in the Lotus Sutra. One of the gods on this mandala is the Moon God (Dai Gattenno 大月天王), unlike the Sun God who provokes energy, the Moon God is contemplative, rejuvenating, and as I have already said, Resilience, Strong, Determined, yes, all those ingredients I will now muster to defeat my cancer.
So now, I will see what medical options I must pursue in this fight. Stay tuned -- hint: subscribe.
My cancer saga continues. As soon as I had ended my last post and pushed "Publish," I got the call to schedule my biopsy procedure; of which, I know little today, but will be sure to give you the poop on when it arrives -- yes, I've been in Texas too long.
So today I consulted with AI, I asked AI, "Can they remove another lung lobe after I've already had one removed?" And AI said they could, so, maybe it's that again. Who knows? I wouldn't even attempt to ask AI about other cancer treatments, because I know there are way too many.
The funny thing about cancer, is it was one of two things I worried about as a youth after seeing my grandmother die of lung cancer. The other was nuclear war. And I'll be goddamned -- to quote from my grandfathers favorite curse lexicon -- if both aren't a threat to me at this moment -- sorry conservative brothers and sisters, but you've unleashed a Donald Trump Frankenstein monster we can only watch now as he grunts his way through the village.
Cancer is not my focus today, my focus today is on tonight's August New Moon, which begins at 12:36pm here in Dallas. And this is not any-old new moon, this is the August New Moon, more precisely, what we Japanese -- wait, I'm not Japanese, I'm Nichiren Buddhist, same thing -- call the Otsukimi or Harvest New Moon.
Japan is rich with legends surrounding the moon. The most famous of these is the Tale of the Bamboo Cutter (竹取物語), one of Japan’s oldest folktales. In this story, a radiant princess named Kaguya-Hime is discovered in a bamboo stalk and eventually returns to her home on the moon. This tale speaks to the mysterious allure of the moon and has inspired countless adaptations in literature, art, and film.
The harvest moon in most cultures is an important moon, and many festivals such as the Japanese Otsukimi. (or Tsukimi), will be happening tonight. In some areas there will be Pagans dancing, calling forth the moons energy to dance in unison, others will be casting spells -- most benevalent, I hope. Me, I'll show gratitude for the harvest I have, such as my three regular viewers, where would I be without you. Also, I'll chant for the happiness and protection of everyone under the moonlight, for years to come. And finally, I'll hedge my bets on this cancer, why not.
Pagan Moon Fun
Seriously, and most importantly, in Nichiren Buddhism, the moon is a frequent metaphor for truth, enlightenment, and the reflection of the Buddha's compassionate life in the human heart. This will be my main focus tonight. See you there. Let's dance.
